Dan Deacon

Star Wars Kid grows up, trades in make believe light saber for make believe music, finally becomes popular.

Where The Hell Have We Been?

Sorry we've been absent for so long, especially since what we do seems to have really started to take off, with many other sites popping up to fight the good fight against the bullshit that's being fed to us as "music" by the blogoshpere. 

Essentially the Leveller 6000 (seen above) has been out of commission for a while.  This may or may not have happened immediately after hearing the latest Antony & the Johnsons song.  But, the good news is that we're getting a new pretty hate machine this weekend and will be back in business on Monday.

In the meantime, go check out indierocksucks.com  It's basically the same as my site, just with more words and different jokes.  The Lollapalooza article is one of the best things I've read all year.

Passion Pit

The name: code for pussy.

The sound: extremely pussy.

Wavves

Itsy bitsy spider, climbed up the douche spout...

Bloody Beetroots

Dear Sam Raimi,

Do you see what happens when you put Peter Parker in eyeliner?

Eat Shit,

The Leveler

Santogold

This is my rifle, this is my gun.

Luckily you've provided targets for both.

Harlem Shakes

It starts with Bill Clinton moving in, then next thing you know you get these crackers representing Harlem.

BLK JKS

What?  They don't have vowels in Africa?

Cut Copy - Double Diss Extravaganza!

1. Cut...copy....delete...delete....delete.

2. Fuck making good music, let's dance!

Crystal Stilts

Pimps Up, Ho's Down: Misinterpreted.

SXSW

Sorry for the lack of updates.  We're in Austin punching guys wearing sunglasses at night on 6th Street in the balls.  New posts next week after we wash the douche off our knuckles.

Peter Bjorn & John

"Ok guys, since there's absolutely nothing interesting about your music, we really need to get wacky with this photo shoot."

"Ok, yeah, I quit."

La Roux

Each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal...

Sincerely yours,

the Breakfast Club

Handsome Furs

(QUEEEEEEEEEEFFFFFFF)  Oh...that's where I left that. 

Glasvegas

Ok mom, you can be in the picture too...

Calvin Harris

Calvin Harris.  Seen here in his natural state (balls on chin)

Sunn O)))

"Dude...LARPing is NOT getting us laid."

"How about playing guitars?"

"But we don't know how to play."

"Don't worry...don't worry..."

Say Hi

Silly rabbit, Trix is for kids!  Your music is for shit!

Metric

Making polio sexy since 1998.

Ladyhawke

Using your tits to sell records works a little better when you actually have tits.

Band of Horses

Hey, I found these letters "H" "I" and "T".  I think they fell off the back of your band name.

Grizzly Bear

Thanks for doing my job for me boys, much appreciated.

Phoenix

What if we piss on their ashes?  Will that stop them from rising?

Can we try anyway?  Please?

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Double Diss Extravagana

1) I know it's a huge pile of shit, but did you have to use the whole roll?

2) No No No

Neko Case

Very cute, but I'm afraid I still can't let you on the ride.

Regina Spektor

I know!  I can't believe you're famous either!

Jesus Lizard Releases Singles Box for Record Store Day

Awesome.  That grumbling 30/40ish, scary/hairy dude that sits at the end of your local hipster bar has a new fleeting reason to live.

Menomena

Oh so the Boy Scouts are letting you guys in now?

Good for you.  Good for you.

Phosphorescent Releases Willie Nelson Covers Album

Covering Willie?  Oh McConaughey what won't you do when you're high?

Ting Tings

Raise your hand if you're the reason people come to see the band.

That's right milk chocolate Members Only guy.

Austin Lucas

"What it sees, Lo Pan knows!"

The Decemberists

"And after every rehearsal we have a Murder Mystery Dinner Party!  It's the best!"

Mustard Pimp

Mustard Pimp?  What, are you the coolest employees at Burger King?  

Oh, you're french DJs?  

So no, not even the coolest employees at Burger King.

Antony & the Johnsons Video Directed by the Wachowski Brothers

Guys, I thought the V was for Vendetta, not Vagina. 

Little Boots

These Boots are made for sucking, and that's just what they do.

Kings of Leon

"That's what I love about these high school girls, man.  I get older, they stay the same age."

Sebastien Tellier

Not a fan of Death's new look, but do appreciate that he's still doing good work (we wish).

Heartless Bastards

Cheri Oteri!  We've missed you!  Now what's this nonsense about you playing blues rock?

Black Kids cover Sophie B. Hawkins

Damn I Wish You Weren't a Band.

Patrick Wolf

The 80's called, and they said what the fuck?

Ryan Adams engaged to Mandy Moore

How do you land that sweet former teen pop star tang?

Transform yourself into Garth from Wayne's World apparently...

Man Man

Man Man This Sucks Sucks.

And warpaint?  Seriously, where's the small pox blanket when you need it? (pt. 3)

Matt and Kim

Apparently hipster love is not only blind, it's deaf too.  

Catfish Haven

What if the film The Commitments was directed by Harmony Korine?

The Pains of Being Pure of Heart

Very similar to the pains of being about twenty years too late.

Empire of the Sun - Double Diss Extravaganza!

1. Obviously we used the atom bomb on the wrong empire.

2. Who knew Adam Ant was going to win the cloning race?

M.I.A. Performs Very Pregnant on the Grammys

The Grammys present a special edition of the Maury Povich segment "Who's the Father of Your Baby?"

Andrew Bird

SWM seeks college educated woman who likes whistling, the fiddle and that whole "Steve Coogan" thing.  MTF ok.

Ryksopp

Norwegian electronica band, or final two contestents on Bromance?"

Can't it be both?

Ben Kweller

Remember on Star Trek when holodeck characters entered the real world?  

Apparently they used it for Partridge Family Fetish Night around the same time.